Trust Me or Trust Me Not
by TheSunflower5
Summary: This is an alternate ending to Goodbye Stranger which flows into an AU where Sam, Dean and Cas go up against Naomi. Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

**This is an alternate ending to Goodbye Strangers that flows into an AU. This chapter starts right after Cas almost kills Dean because Naomi was controlling him.**

 **I tried to keep the characters as consistent with their orginal personalities as possible while also allowing them to grow. Let me know what you think!**

 **XXXXXXX**

Cas dropped his blade and stepped away from Dean. Dean doubled over in pain without Cas holding him up. Cas dropped to his knees in front of the hunter so that they were at eye level. Dean gasped and tried to pull away when he felt Cas' hands brush against his face.

"Dean. I am so sorry. Naomi was controlling me. I'm not going to hurt you anymore." Cas' voice was deep and full of regret and pain. Dean felt power flow from Cas' hands and rush through his body, healing his wounds. The hunter grunted and gripped the sleeve of Cas' coat in his hand. Once Dean's head cleared and the pain faded, he looked up at Cas.

"If Naomi was controlling you, then how did you stop? Why didn't you kill me?" Dean asked.

"I heard your voice. It pulled me out of her control, let me take my mind back." Cas answered, his eyes flashing with anger. "I'll kill her for what she made me do."

Dean became suddenly aware that Cas was still holding his face in his hands, even though the hunter was completely healed now. Dean's instincts were screaming at him to pull away, to protect himself from being vulnerable. Instead, he leaned forward until his forhead rested against Cas'.

"It's not your fault, Cas. And if you want to hunt her down, then I'm with you. I promise." Dean's nose brushed gently against Cas' and Dean could have sworn that Cas leaned in closer. "But right now, we need to get the angel tablet somewhere safe and we need to go make sure that Sam and Meg are okay." Dean reminded him. At Meg's name, Cas pulled away from Dean abruptly.

"Meg. Sam. Right." Cas looked like he was trying to clear his head. He stood up. "We need to protect the angel tablet at all costs. If it fell into the angel's hands, the results would be catastrophic." Cas picked up the tablet and concealed it in his trench coat while Dean slowly stood up.

"Then we take it to the bunker. It's the safest place for us right now." Dean said.

"Dean? Dean?!" Sam voice echoed from outside the crypt.

"Sam! We're in here!" Dean called back.

Sam fell into the room, using the wall to hold himself up. "Did you guys get it?" He asked, looking back and forth between Dean and Cas.

"Yes, I have it. Where's Meg?" Cas answered, his voice deep.

"Crowley showed up. She's buying us some time." Sam looked at Dean. "We gotta go."

"Alright." Dean agreed. He looked over to where Cas was standing but the angel had already vanished. Sam and Dean hurried to make their way outside on foot. When they exited the building into the parking lot, they found Cas bent over Meg, who was lying motionless on the pavement.

"Where's Crowley?" Dean asked, his eyes scanning the area for danger.

"He fled after I killed all of his demons." Cas answered without looking at either of them. "But not before he killed Meg and stabbed me with an angel blade." Cas' jaw was tight and he was holding a hand against his stomach. Blood covered the front of his shirt and pants. Dean stomach clenched at the sight.

"We need to get you out of here Cas. Before Crowley comes back or he sends more demons after us." Dean said urgently.

Cas nodded. He reached a hand out and brushed Meg's hair away from her face, saying a silent goodbye. Then he stood up.

"I'm not going to be able to fly us out of here in my condition." Cas admitted, looking at Dean.

"Then we drive." Was all Dean said.

Cas nodded again and took one step toward Dean and then collapsed. Dean was barely able to catch the angel before he hit the ground. Dean slung one of Cas' arms around his shoulders and wrapped his arm around the angel's waist.

"Sam." Dean called out, tossing the car keys to him so he could focus on supporting Cas. Sam caught them and took off for the car. Dean slowly started dragging Cas toward the Impala.

"Don't you dare die on me, you bastard." Dean growled at Cas. One minute later, Sam was slamming on the brakes as the Impala screeched to a halt in front of Dean. Sam got out and threw the back seat door open. They lifted Cas inside and Dean slid in next to him. Sam jumped back into the drivers seat and hit the gas. The car sped away and Cas groaned in pain as he was thrown back in his seat.

"Cas?! Can you hear me?" Dean asked desperately.

"Yes. You don't need to yell, I'm sitting right next to you." Cas answered without opening his eyes.

Dean rolled his eyes but he was immensely relieved.

Cas gasped in pain as Dean lifted his shirt to examine his wound. Blood still oozed from the cut and Dean's heart pounded in his ears.

"It's not even that bad. So you can quit your complaing." Dean joked, putting a brave face on. At this, Cas opened his eyes just enough to glare at Dean. Dean reached down to pull out their emergency kit. He opened it and then was abruptly slammed into the car door as Sam made a sharp turn.

"Dammit Sam! Do you think you could slow down a bit?" Dean yelled.

"We're being followed." Sam answered, his jaw clenched.

"Angels or demons?" Dean asked.

"Demons. I think." Sam said.

Dean cursed.

Cas groaned again and Dean returned his attention to the angel. He pulled out scissors and proceeded to cut Cas shirt so that he could reach the wound better.

"Cas I need you to lay down okay? I need to be able to put pressure on the wound so I can stop the bleeding." Cas nodded and moved so that he was stretched across the back seat. Kneeling uncomfortably on the floor of the car, Dean pulled out several rolls of gauze. He applied a stack of it to Cas' stomach and pressed down. This earned a hiss of pain from the angel but he clenched his teeth together and didn't say anything. Dean's hands were wrenched away from Cas again when Sam made another sharp turn.

"I've almost lost them. Just a few more minutes." Sam reassured.

Dean cursed as he was thrown back once more. He knew he wasn't going to be able to stop the bleeding from his unstable position on the floor and Cas was starting to look incredibly pale. Dean knew that he was strong, but this was an angel blade wound, which meant that Cas wasn't going to heal fast. He was going to heal like a human.

"Desperate times." Dean muttered as he climbed onto the back seat with Cas. Dean threw one knee over Cas' hips so that he was now straddling the angel. Cas' eyes flew open and he gazed at Dean in surprise.

"Not a word." Dean growled at him. He snatched up the gauze again and pressed it against Cas' wound. Cas gritted his teeth in pain and squeezed his eyes shut again. Dean tightened his thighs against the angel's hips, pinning him in place as Sam swung the car around a turn. Cas sucked in a breath, whether in pain or because of something else, Dean couldn't tell.

Cas opened his eyes and looked at the hunter.

"Dean, I want you to know that I'm sorry for lying to you. I know that you have no reason to believe me, but I truly did not want to deceive you. Naomi has been controlling me since I got back from purgatory. She kept pulling me away from you and Sam, telling me what to say and do. And then she would wipe my memory so that I had no recollection of it." Cas was panting with the effort of speaking.

"Cas it's okay. I knew it something was wrong. I've known it since you got back. But we don't have to talk about this right now." Dean responded.

"Yes. We do. I don't want to die without you knowing the truth." Cas insisted, short of breath.

"Now you listen to me." Dean snapped. "You are not going to die. You got that? Not on my watch." Dean glared at Cas laying underneath him. "I can't lose you Cas. I need you. We both need you. We've got some crazy crap coming our way with Sam going through these trials and I need you to be there to help me pull him through. So you are not going to die." Cas gazed at Dean in a way that made Dean very aware of the bizarre physical position they were in.

"After everything I've done, after all the people I've hurt and all the times I've hurt you and your brother, why do you still want me around?" Cas asked, his eyes boring into Dean's.

"Because you're family Cas. And yeah, you've made some mistakes, but we all have. And you're the only reason that Sammy and I are even still alive. You've saved our skin more times than I can count."

They looked at each other in silence, both forgetting for a moment that their lives were in danger, that Cas was slowly bleeding out, and that Sam had been listening to every word they were saying.

"Dean, I-" Cas started.

"We're here." Sam announced, killing the engine. Dean snapped back to reality. He climbed out of the car and together, he and Sam hauled Cas inside the bunker. They laid him down on the table that overlooked the war room. Dean immediately started cutting away the rest of Cas' clothes while Sam scrambled to get everything they needed. Cas had passed out on their way inside and was laying limp.

"Stay with me, Cas." Dean kept muttering under his breath. Sam came back with supplies and Dean quickly cleaned the wound and set about stitching it up. Sam was better at this than Dean because growing up, Dean had always made sure that Sam stayed out of the line of fire, which left Sam to constantly patch up Dean's many wounds. But Sam didn't offer to do the stitches instead, knowing that Dean would want to be the one to do it. Dean finished quickly and put a bandage over it to prevent infection. Cas still hadn't woken back up.

"Why isn't he waking up?" Dean asked, his voice strained.

"He probably just needs the rest." Sam answered, sinking into a chair. Dean eyes snapped over to his brother. Sam was looking worse for wear.

"You should go get some sleep. You look like hell." Dean said, trying to hide the fact that this upset him.

Sam nodded. "Let me help you move him to a bed first so he can sleep better."

Cas ended up in Dean's room because it was the closest. He didn't look it, but the dude was heavy.

"Alright. I'll keep an eye on him. You go get some rest." Dean ordered. Sam rolled his eyes but left. Dean watched him go with worried eyes and then turned his attention back to Cas. Some of the angel's color had returned but he was still down for the count. Dean sighed and pulled a chair into the room.

"You better wake up, you son of a bitch." Dean muttered as he sat down to wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas woke up to the sound of someone snoring softly. He looked for the source and found Dean sitting in a chair, his feet propped up on the bed, his head hanging uncomfortably over his chest. It looked like he had been trying to stay awake but exhaustion had gotten the better of him. Cas let his head fall back onto the pillow and closed his eyes. He ran over the past twenty four hours in his mind, trying to remember how he had gotten here. He remembered finding the angel tablet and almost killing Dean. He ground his teeth at the memory and moved on. He remembered healing Dean and the short conversation they had, kneeling on the ground, their heads pressed together. Cas remembered confronting Crowley, failing to save Meg, and getting stabbed in the stomach. He felt a wave of sadness as he remembered Meg's lifeless body laying in the parking lot. Cas still didn't quite understand his attraction to her but he knew that he would miss her. He remembered Dean basically carrying him to the car. Cas felt a strange tingling feeling in his limbs as he remembered Dean sitting on top of him, trying to stop Cas from bleeding out. Cas vaguely remembered talking to Dean but after that he must have passed out. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he sat up and took inventory of his health. His wound was healing nicely, thanks to the stitches that he didn't remember getting and the rest of the cuts and bruises he suffered were completely gone. Cas guessed that he would need another day or two before he was back to full strength. He stood up and glanced around for his clothes.

"Cas. You're awake."

Cas turned to look at Dean who had sat up and was looking at him like he hadn't expected Cas to ever wake up.

"Yes. How long was I asleep?" Cas asked.

"A couple of hours. You took a pretty bad hit back there, man. There was a second there that I wasn't sure you were gonna make it." Dean swallowed, his eyebrows pulled together. Cas offered him a small smile.

"Well it seems that if wasn't for you, I might not have. So thank you." Cas answered.

"Yeah, uh, no problem." Dean was now looking anywhere but at Cas. The angel looked down at himself and remembered that he was only in his underwear.

"Do you have my clothes?" Cas asked.

Dean cleared his throat. "I had to, uh, cut them off so I could get to your wound and they were all bloody anyway. But you can use some of mine until we get you some new ones. Top drawer is shirts, second drawer is jeans. I'm going to go get something to eat." And with that, Dean left quickly. Cas sighed. Whatever had allowed Dean to be vulnerable yesterday was now gone. It was like a wall that the hunter put up against the world and it only came down in life or death situations. Cas dressed quickly and left the room to find Dean.

Cas found both Dean and Sam sitting at the table with the map on it. In the middle of the map-table sat the angel tablet. Tension that Cas didn't even know he had been carrying, left him as he laid eyes on the object.

'At least it had all been worth it.' He thought to himself.

"Hey Cas, how are you feeling?" Sam asked as Cas took a seat next to Dean.

"Murderous." Cas answered shortly. Sam's eyebrows shot up and Dean muttered, "You and me both."

"At who, specifically?" Sam inquired carefully.

"Naomi. Although I wouldn't mind killing Crowley either." Cas answered, glaring at the table.

"Naomi is the one who's been controlling you right?" Sam prompted.

"Yes. But she won't be able to anymore. I managed to break free of her hold when she tried to make me kill Dean." Cas reassured.

"Well at least we know why you've been acting different since purgatory." Dean said, looking at Cas. "Now we can focus on getting Sam through these trials and slamming the gates of Hell closed."

"We also need to get the angel tablet translated as quickly as possible." Cas added.

"Well we only have one prophet, so the demon trials are going to have to take priority for now. After that's over, then we can turn our attention to Heaven." Dean responded, going directly into what Cas thought of as John-mode. When Dean started handing out orders like he expected every one to be followed, Cas thought that that must have been exactly how John had talked to his two sons. Cas didn't argue because he actually agreed with this plan.

"Also, I don't think we should give Kevin the angel tablet yet. We shouldn't put all of our eggs in one basket." Dean continued.

"Dean, the angel tablet is not an egg. It's the Word of God." Cas shot back, baffled and slightly annoyed. Dean rolled his eyes and Sam explained, "He means that if someone, like Crowley, were to get their hands on Kevin and the demon tablet, we should keep the angel tablet somewhere else so that they can't get all three."

"Oh, I see. That's actually a good plan." Cas amended, ignoring Dean's look of I-told-you-so.

Sam coughed violently, effectively diverting Dean's attention from Cas. Cas narrowed his eyes at Sam worriedly.

"You not doing very well, Sam." Cas observed.

Dean looked back at Cas.

"What's wrong with him?" He asked. Dean was suddenly all tension.

"Its hard to tell." Cas answered. "There is a molecular change taking place in his cells, that much I can see. The only way for me to be able to understand exactly what is happening would be for me to possess him. But I-"

"No." Dean and Sam said at the same time.

"-have a feeling you won't want that." Cas finished exasperated.

"Is there anything you can do for him from the outside?" Dean asked, irritated. Cas was used to Dean's gruff tone. He had long since learned that Dean dealt with his fear in anger and sarcasm.

"I can ease his pain enough for him to be able to rest but I cannot even begin to cure him. Besides, I think that would defeat the purpose." Cas answered thoughtfully.

"'Defeat the purpose?' What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Dean snapped.

"There called trials for a reason, Dean. Whatever change is taking place in Sam, is preparing him to close the gates of Hell. If a normal human could do it, then the trials wouldn't exist. The trials are designed to change a human into something that is capable of completing the task. If I were to reverse the process, sure it would heal him, but he would no longer be capable of closing the gates. This is something that just has to happen." Cas answered, running a hand over his face.

"I'm fine, Dean." Sam said.

"You're not fine." Dean fired back. "But you will be. We are going to get you through this Sam, I promise."

Sam nodded. "I think I'm going to get some more rest." He looked at Cas. "Would you mind?"

"Not at all." Cas got up and walked over to where Sam was sitting. He pressed two fingers to Sam's forehead and concentrated on healing him. After a moment, Sam visibly relaxed, clearly feeling better. Cas moved back to his seat as Sam got up and left for his bedroom.

Once he was out of ear shot, Dean said quietly, "Thank you."

"Of course. It seems to be the only useful thing I can do lately." Cas responded sadly.

"Look man, all of the crap that's been happening recently, with us and Sam and Meg, that's not on you, okay? That's on Naomi and Crowley." Dean listed off. "You're doing your best to make a bad situation better."

"I appreciate your faith in me, Dean. I hardly deserve it after everything I've done." Cas had the sudden urge to reach to out to his friend somehow. To grab his hand or pull him into a hug or to do _something_ to show Dean just how much he cared about him. It was an unfamiliar feeling for the angel.

"Cas, you've got to stop beating yourself up about this. You did the best you could and your intentions were always in the right place." Dean insisted.

"I could say the same about you. I know you feel guilt for not being the one to go through the trials in your brothers place." Cas argued. "But that wasn't anymore your fault than Naomi was mine."

"Then how about we agree to both put it all behind us. You stop feeling guilty about Naomi and I'll stop feeling guilty about Sam. Deal?" Dean prompted, smirking a little. Cas smirked back at him.

"Deal." He answered. They looked at each other for another moment before both looking away quickly.

And there it was. The tension that Cas had been feeling since he got back from purgatory. As if there was some unspoken issue between the two of them.

"Cas?" Dean broke the silence.

"Yes?"

"Was there something that you wanted to tell me last night? Right before we got back, you had started to say something but then Sam interrupted." Dean inquired, not looking at Cas.

Cas shifted in his seat, remembering exactly what he had been about to say. He tried to catch Dean's eye, wanting to know what kind of mood the hunter was in. When Dean finally did look at him, his expression was hard to read. Cas recognized the ever present caution but there was also something else. Hope maybe? What was Dean hoping that Cas would say? Cas decided to just tell him the truth. Dean would probably be able to tell if he was lying anyway.

"I was going to tell you that I need you too. And not just because I need help navigating the world, even though I do need that." Cas smiled a little. "But I need you to remind me of who I am. I changed when I met you and Sam and I liked that change. And I've come to discover that if don't have you in my life, I become a person I don't like. A person that could end the world. It's because of you that I am who I am. I also need you because And I love you for that." Cas finished, his voice quiet. "Both of you." He added quickly, frightened that he had said too much. Cas knew that Dean tended to shut down when emotions got involved. 'Chick-flick moments' he called them.

But right now, Dean wasn't rolling his eyes or telling Cas to shut up as he often did. No, he was looking at the angel with a rare look of vulnerability on his face. The walls that he so carefully built around himself had crumbled down.

"You're family Cas. Don't ever forget it." Dean replied. Once again Cas felt the urge to crush Dean against him. And it seemed that Dean was feeling it too. They were leaning in close to each other, as if drawn in by an electric pull. Cas felt a brush against his hand and looked down to see Dean's fingers resting right next to his on the table. Cas flexed his own fingers in response, brushing them against Dean's. It felt like electricity was shooting through his arm, originating where Dean touched him. Cas remembered having this feeling only once before, just hours ago, right after he had healed Dean. Dean had leaned his head against Cas', their noses brushing together slightly. Cas had felt the electricity in his entire body then and had completely forgotten where he was. Cas looked at Dean questioningly, confused that Dean was reaching out to him. Dean 'wasn't a toucher', as Sam had explained once, long ago. But Cas didn't get the chance to ask.

Dean jumped when his phone started buzzing and Cas snatched his hand away, startled. Dean pulled his phone out and checked the caller ID before answering it.

"Kevin, what's up?" Dean asked.

"I haven't heard from Garth in a couple of days and I'm almost out of food." Cas could barely hear Kevin's voice.

"Okay. I'll make a run in the morning." Dean answered. "How's it going with the tablet?"

"Painstakingly slow." Kevin asnswered, sounding extremely tired.

"Hang in there, kid. I'll bring you some supplies tomorrow. Take care of yourself." Dean hung up and rubbed his eyes.

"You should get some sleep, Dean." Cas said, not looking at the hunter.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Dean answered. "What are you going to do?"

"I am going to hide the angel tablet somewhere in the bunker. It's best not to leave it lying around." Cas responded.

"Good idea." Dean stood up to leave. Cas glanced at him before he turned away to leave the room. The angel was sad, if not surprised, to see that once again, Dean's mental walls were up and running. His brief moment of vulnerability was over.


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of sleeping, Dean spent the next hour listening to music blast from his headphones. He was trying to block out any thoughts about how sick Sam looked or about how pale Cas had been laying unconscious on the table or about how he had just tried to hold an angel's hand. Everything that was happening was just too much for him. Better to push it all down than to let himself think about it. He didn't want to think about how terrified he had been of losing Cas. He didn't want to think about what would have happened if Kevin hadn't called earlier. He didn't want to think about how badly he wanted to go and find Cas right now. He didn't want to think about pulling the angel in by his trench coat and-

'Nope. That's enough. You are not going there.' Dean thought, pulling his headphones off. He sat up on the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes. Thinking that a cold shower would do him some good, he grabbed his towel, a change off clothes and headed out of his room. And ran straight into Cas.

"Dean." Cas said in surprise. "I was coming to tell you that I found a good place to hide the angel tablet. It's-"

"Don't tell me. The less people who know exactly where it is, the better." Dean interrupted, taking a hasty step back, his heart pounding. Cas nodded in agreement.

"How's your wound healing?" Dean asked, trying to fill the silence.

In response, Cas lifted his shirt, Dean's shirt actually, to show Dean the wound.

Dean's stomach felt like it had caught fire.

He cleared his throat before saying "Looks a lot better." His voice was rougher than usual, which didn't go unnoticed by Cas. He let his shirt fall back down and looked at Dean curiously.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked, his head cocked to the side slightly.

"I'm fine." Dean answered shortly.

Cas took a step closer to Dean, his eyes analyzing the hunter. "No, you're not." Cas replied knowingly.

Dean gritted his teeth but he didn't argue.

"What can I do to help?" Cas asked, his voice deep, his eyes gazing intensely at Dean. Dean felt tension crackle between the two of them.

"I don't know, Cas. I mean, you're already helping out by healing Sam and taking care of the angel tablet." Dean replied, his heart racing.

"That's not what I meant. I want to know how I can help _you._ You've spent your whole life taking care of other people. Your brother, Kevin, countless strangers you barely knew, and even me. It's okay to let someone take care of you every once and a while." Cas had taken another small step closer. Damn those trusting blue eyes. Dean knew that if he didn't get some space quickly, he was going to do something incredibly stupid.

"I'm fine, Cas. I don't need anything." Dean argued stubbornly.

Cas narrowed his eyes at the hunter. "Dean." He said, unconvinced.

"What do you want me to say Cas?" Dean burst out, losing control. "That I'm scared? I'm fucking terrified. My brother could die. These trials are _killing_ him. And you. You almost did die, just a few hours ago. There's a good chance that I will lose everything I care about in the days to come. So there you go. That's the truth. What good does it do for me to say it out loud?" Dean's voice was desperate now and his hands were gripping his clothes tightly. "It doesn't change anything."

"It may not change anything, but you and I both know that you can't bottle it up. Ignoring your pain just makes it greater for when you are finally forced to deal with it." Cas replied. "I'm scared to lose Sam too, but he's faced worse and come out the other side. One thing I've learned from my time on Earth is that you don't bet against the Winchesters." Cas looked at Dean with a small smile and an abundance of faith in his eyes.

Dean could feel his defense crumbling. His whole body hummed with affection for Cas, wonderful Cas who never failed to give Dean hope. Dean swallowed. Now he _really_ needed to get some space because the longer he stood there, the more likely it was that he was going to do something reckless.

"I should probably go shower." Dean said, his head spinning slightly. Cas' jaw clenched. But he nodded and moved out of Dean's way. Dean was torn between kicking himself angrily and being relieved. Dean had only taken one step away from Cas when the angel spoke again.

"Dean."

Dean turned around to face him again.

"You know that I'm not going anywhere right? I mean I can't promise that I won't die, that's not within my power, but I will do everything that _is_ within my power to make sure that Sam survives this. And if the unthinkable happens, I promise, I will be there to pull you through it. Every step of the way." Cas' eyes were full of promise and firey passion that showed just how hard he would fight for Dean. Whatever resistance that Dean had been clinging to, completely snapped. He dropped his belongings on the floor and without thinking, without considering the consequences, without even hesisitating, Dean closed the distance between himself and Cas. Cas was so surprised that he let himself be pushed back against the wall of the hallway. Dean kissed Cas hard on the lips, desperately gripping him around the waist. Cas was completely frozen between Dean and the wall. After a second, Dean got a handle on himself and pulled away from the angel, his eyes wide. They stared at each other.

"Dean." Cas said, his voice full of surprise. Dean started to step back but Cas seized Dean's face in his hands and kissed him again. Dean pushed the angel back against the wall, pressing his body flush against Cas. His skin was on fire where it touched the angel. Dean moved his lips, molding them against Cas'. Cas' fingers dug into the back Dean's neck, kissing him harder. Dean wrapped his arms all the way around the angel's waist, not wanting even a centimeter of space between them. Cas' lips parted in surprise and Dean took advantage, slipping his tongue gently into the angel's mouth. Cas met Dean's tongue with his own and they passionately explored each other. Cas' fingers moved up and tangled themselves in Dean's short hair. Dean slid his hands underneath the angel's shirt and his fingers explored the bare skin of Cas' back. Getting short of breath, Dean broke their kiss.

"I did not expect that." Cas said, also short of breath.

"Yeah me neither." Dean admitted, his mind clouded.

"Then why did you do it?" Cas asked, looking him in the eye.

"I don't know." Dean answered, unable to bring himself to tell the truth. The truth would only end up bringing him more pain.

"You're lying." Cas said, cocking his head to the side like he was trying to read Dean's mind. Dean stepped away from the angel, needing the space to be able to concentrate on controlling his expression. He had allowed himself to be vulnerable and knew that his emotions would be plain as day on his face as a result.

"No I'm not." Dean responded firmly, relieved that his voice was steady once again. "I shouldn't have done that. But it won't happen again so let's just forget it okay?" He bent over to pick up his clothes and when he stood up, Cas was looking at him like someone had hit him.

Dean clenched his teeth and headed for the bathroom. After locking the door, he sagged against the counter, facing the mirror. He looked at his reflection and saw that his lips were slightly swollen and his hair was messed up where Cas had ran his fingers through it. Dean shivered, the memory still fresh.

'What the hell are you doing?' Dean thought to himself. 'You just pissed off the one guy who promised to stand by your side through all of the crap you have coming your way. Not only that, you probably just ruined the best friendship you've ever had.'

A surge of self hatred shot through Dean. He reared back and punched his reflection in the mirror, shattering it. Glass rained down into the sink and onto the floor. Small shards poked out of Dean's knuckles, which had started to bleed. Unfeelingly, the hunter picked the pieces out of his skin while blood ran down his fingers.


	4. Chapter 4

"What happened to your hand?" Sam asked, eyeing Dean carefully.

Dean looked down at his swollen and cut up hand. He hadn't bothered bandaging it last night. He had collapsed the second he got back to his room.

"Nothing." Dean answered, not looking at Sam. Dean had been trying to keep the injury concealed from his brother but Sam never missed anything, especially not when it came to Dean. Which is why when Sam didn't push the issue, Dean knew that Sam was choosing to let it go. Dean caught Cas looking him, his hand specifically, and moved it under the table. He took a drink of his coffee, avoiding Cas' eye.

"How are you feeling Sam?" Dean asked, changing the subject. Sam took a seat across from Dean and glanced questioningly at Cas who was leaning in the doorway.

"I'm good. Better than yesterday at least."

"Good. I've got to run and get some supplies for Kevin. You just stay here and rest. I'll be back later." Dean got up from his chair.

"I'll come with you." Cas said, standing up straight.

Dean held up a hand to stop him, "That's not necessary. I think I can handle a food run."

"Dean, you should take Cas with you." Sam interrupted, as though this fact were obvious. He was looking at Dean curiously and when Dean looked like he was about to argue, Sam continued quickly. "We still have angels _and_ demons on our asses looking for both tablets. You need the back up."

Cas gave Dean a I-told-you-so look. Dean glared back.

"Besides. It will give you two a chance to talk about whatever it is that you're fighting about this time." Sam said unapologetically, watching the two of them.

Dean just ground his teeth and grabbed his keys.

 **XXXXXXX**

Sam rolled his eyes to himself as Dean and Cas left. He had no idea what was going on with them this time but was relieved that he wouldn't have to deal with it for a little while. Whatever 'it' was, had Dean wound up tighter than Sam had seen him in a long time. Sam's brother was doing his best to hide it and to a stranger, Dean would have seemed simply annoyed at Cas. But Sam had always been able to see right through the act. It had only taken one glance between Dean and Cas for Sam to know that something had happened. For some reason, Cas seemed to be the only one that could piss Dean off to this level, besides Sam of course.

Something had happened to the pair when they were in purgatory. Dean didn't talk about it much but Sam could tell something was different between them. The way Dean had looked at Cas when the angel first got back, it was like Dean had been drowning and someone had pulled him out of the water at the last second. Sam could see it in the way the two moved around each other. He could see it in the way Dean and Cas looked at each other. He remembered Cas making a joke once about being Sam and Dean's third wheel, but there were times when Cas and Dean would look at each other that Sam would start to feel like the third wheel. There was a tension between the two that hadn't been there before. Dean had suddenly become much more attentive to the angel's actions. He was noticing things about Cas that Sam, who was generally the more observant one, had completely missed. And Cas was starting to be less and less patient with Dean. This typically resulted in the pair shouting at each other, followed by them ignoring one another in tense and angry silence until Sam got fed up and forced them to sit and work through it. Needless to say, there has been a lot more eye rolling recently.

What was confusing to Sam, was that Cas hadn't seemed angry. Instead, the angel actually looked like he was worried about Dean. So why would Dean be angry with Cas?

'Unless he's not.' Sam thought to himself. 'Unless he's angry with himself and is taking it out on Cas.'

Sam sighed at that thought. Those two were more complicated than Romeo and Juliet.

Sam smirked at the comparison, thinking about how much it would piss Dean off if Sam had said that out loud. Dean hated it when people assumed that he and Cas were a couple. Sam didn't see what the big deal was, it's not like Dean was harboring feelings for the angel that he wanted to keep secret.

Sam almost fell out of his chair at the thought, everything seeming to click into place all at once.

The fighting and arguing since purgatory.

Dean noticing Cas more and more.

Cas' newfound ability to piss Dean off.

The way Dean's eyes followed Cas around when the angel wasn't looking.

The way Cas just followed Dean around in general.

The way they had talked to each other in the back seat while Cas was bleeding out.

Dean making sure he was the one to do Cas' stitches.

Dean staying up all night, waiting for Cas to wake up.

The tension, the glances, the fighting and arguing.

"Holy shit." Sam said.

 **XXXXXXX**

They rode in silence the entire way to meet Kevin. Cas was torn between being grateful for the chance to talk to Dean uninterrupted and bitterly regretting putting himself into a situation where he was alone with a pissed off Dean. It didn't help that Cas wasn't even sure why Dean was pissed off.

After making sure the prophet had everything he needed, they headed back to the car, silence falling once again. Cas climbed into the passenger seat as Dean started the engine. The hunter immediately turned on the radio in an obvious attempt to dissuade discussion. Cas was beginning to realize that the longer they went without talking, the angrier Dean was going to get. So he reached over and turned the radio down.

"We need to talk Dean." Cas demanded.

Dean just turned the music back up, his face impassive.

"Dean." Cas said, raising his voice to be heard over the music. Dean ignored him, his eyes on the road.

"You know what." Cas reached forward and pressed two fingers to the stereo. The machine sputtered and then fell silent.

"Did you just break my radio?" Dean asked, incredulous.

"Oh, he speaks." Cas replied sarcastically.

Dean clenched his jaw furiously.

"We need to talk about what happened last night." Cas jumped right to the point.

"Nothin to talk about." Dean replied, still not looking at Cas.

"That's not true and you know it." Cas argued.

"And why's that?" Dean asked snidely.

"Because," Cas reached over and grabbed Dean's right wrist, luckily not the one he was using to drive, and held it up, "of this." The cuts looked even worse in the sunlight. Dean jerked his hand away from Cas.

"You're trying to make me think that you don't care about what happened last night. That it didn't matter. But the cuts on your hand suggest otherwise." Cas' anger ebbed slightly as he saw pain flash on Dean's face. "I just want to understand what happened and why you're angry about it." Cas pressed, closing his eyes wearily.

"Cas, I cant-" Dean broke off, shaking his head. He squeezed the steering wheel with his left hand. "I can't talk about it."

"Why?" Cas demanded.

"Because I can't." Dean snapped.

"No. That's not good enough." Cas stared Dean down.

Dean remained defiantly silent for several moments. Once he realized that Cas wasn't going to back down, the fight seemed to leave him. He sighed.

"I can't talk about it because it scares me." Dean finally responded. Cas was at a loss for words. He had not expected that answer. So instead of responding he reached over and grabbed Dean's injured hand. Cas expected Dean to fight him and the hunter tensed up at the contact but he didn't pull away. Ignoring the electricity that Dean's touch caused, Cas brought the injury close to his face so he could inspect it.

"What did you hit?" Cas asked.

"A mirror." Dean responded matter-of-factly.

Cas covered the injury with his hand and let his grace flow out of him. When he removed his hand, the injury had vanished.

Dean glanced at him in surprise. "You didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did. If I was at all responsible for causing you pain, then it was my job to fix it." Cas responded, letting go of Dean's hand. These words caused an unexpected reaction in Dean.

"Dammit Cas." The hunter slammed on the brakes and pulled the Impala over.

After putting the vehicle in park, Dean didn't speak immediately, as if he didn't know what to say.

"None of this is your fault." Dean finally said. "I made the mistake. I'm the one who messed up, not you. If anyone is causing pain here, it's me." Dean was looking at his recently healed hand but Cas got the idea that he wasn't talking about a physical injury. Cas could feel his throat closing up, as if his body was begging him not to ask this next question out of fear for the answer.

"So you regret kissing me? You think it was a mistake?" Cas asked, not looking at Dean.

Dean let out a short, bitter laugh. "I probably should. But no, I don't. The only thing I regret is walking away from you."

Cas looked at Dean in shock to find that Dean was already staring at him, his ever present emotional walls crumbling down. Cas ached to be so far away from Dean and apparently the hunter felt the same way. They both moved at the same time, crashing together in desperation. Cas kissed Dean hard, as if he could convey every emotion he was feeling through the touch. Dean wrapped his arms around the angel, pulling him even closer. Cas tangled his hands in Dean hair.

And then suddenly, the world was spinning.

'No that's not right, the _car_ was spinning.' Cas thought. Pain exploded everywhere as Dean and Cas were tossed around as the Impala rolled over and over again, finally coming to a stop, several yards away from the road.

"Dean?!" Cas yelled, his ears ringing from hitting his head several times. Cas struggled to get his bearings and tried not to panic when Dean didn't respond. He realized that the car had landed upside down which meant he was laying on the roof with Dean sprawled on top of him. Cas rolled, gently moving Dean's limp body so that he could see the hunter's face. He fought against the ever rising panic as he took inventory of Dean's injuries. Blood covered his face and there were several cuts all over his body from broken glass. Cas immediately pressed a hand to Dean's forehead and began healing him.

Dean jerked awake with a gasp. "Dean." Cas breathed out with relief.

"Cas. What the hell just happened?" Dean asked.

"I don't know." Cas responded, tensing up again. "We need to get out of here." Cas pressed two fingers to Dean's forehead and then suddenly, there was grass underneath them. Cas stood, quickly realizing they weren't alone. He had his angel blade out before Dean even sat up.

Five angels were surrounding them.


	5. Chapter 5

"Naomi." Cas growled, hatred filling his voice.

"Castiel. I have to say, I'm disappointed in you. You had just started showing promise before you betrayed us. But it seems that you are more human than angel these days." Naomi addressed Cas sadly. Cas chanced a glance over to Dean who had stood up, brandishing an angel blade of his own. Cas was relieved to find that Dean was steady on his feet.

Naomi, who hadn't missed the look, continued.

"Oh don't worry. We won't hurt the Winchester as long as you cooperate. Even though the both of you deserve to die for what we just witnessed." She paused, clearly hoping for a reaction but Castiel was unfazed. "Betraying your own kind wasn't enough for you? Must you defile yourself in the arms of a human as well?"

Cas simply glared at her, unwilling to give into her taunts.

"Well, we must overlook your sins for the time being. We are only here for the angel tablet. Hand it over and we will spare your lives."

"No." Castiel said.

"Not a chance." Dean confirmed.

Naomi narrowed her eyes. "Ion."

Suddenly one of the other angels was behind Dean, pressing a blade to his throat. Anger and panic rose up inside Cas. He felt his body tense in response. Dean looked simply annoyed.

"Castiel, you forget how many times I have been inside your head. I know your greatest weakness." She gestured to Ion, the angel holding Dean in place. He tightened his grip and Cas saw blood drip down Dean's throat.

"Bite me." Dean snapped. Cas moved so quickly that Dean barely had time to flinch. Cas whipped his angel blade at Ion and watched as it struck him right in the eye. He cried out and released Dean, who made a quick grab for the blade that had been used to cut him. Dean tossed it to Cas and Cas caught it, rounding on Naomi, his blood boiling with rage. He heard the sounds of Dean fighting behind him and had to fight the instinct to turn around. Another angel, Ambriel, jumped between him and Naomi in a protective gesture.

"Face me yourself, Naomi and answer for what you've done." Cas yelled.

Cas' blade clashed with Ambriel's, meeting her blow for blow. Cas caught her wrist as she swung at him and drove his blade into her heart, watching the light die in her eyes. He automatically added her name to the ever growing list of his brothers and sisters that had died at his hand. He let her vessel fall to the ground, his eyes searching for Naomi.

She was no where to be found. Cas whirled around, now searching for Dean. He found that Dean had already dispatched one angel and was now pinned beneath a second, who was holding a blade to his throat. Cas used his wings to close the distance before finishing off yet another one of his brothers.

Ion. Ambriel. Dinah.

He committed the list to memory as Dean shoved the vessel off of him. Cas reached down to help Dean to his feet, his eyes searching the hunter for injuries.

"Are you alright?" Cas asked.

"Just a couple of bruises. Nothing new." Dean responded, breathlessly. Cas eyed the cut on his throat. He reached forward and ran a thumb across the cut to heal it, not wanting to see it anymore.

"We need to go. Naomi vanished and she could return at any moment." Cas informed him and turned towards the car. Dean grabbed his arm to stop him and Cas turned back around.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked, his eyebrows pulled together.

"No." Cas answered before turning away again. This time Dean let him.

 **XXXXXXX**

"If you didn't already have dibs on ganking Naomi, I'd do it just for what she's done to my car." Dean said bitterly. They had flipped her over so that all four wheels were on the ground again and Dean was now examining the damage. 'Don't worry, Baby. I'll get you all fixed up.' He thought to himself as he ran a hand across the dented roof.

"I guess this puts perspective on a broken stereo." Dean sighed, earning a small smile from Cas. Some of the tightness in Dean's chest loosened at the sight.

"Well, she's not drivable so I guess we will just have to leave her here." Dean concluded bitterly.

"I have an idea." Cas spoke up, eyeing the car curiously. He reached out and placed one hand on the hood, closing his eyes in concentration. And then the car vanished.

" _She_ is waiting for you in the bunker's garage." Cas put emphasis on "She", showing how ridiculous he thought the personification of the vehicle was.

"The bunker has a garage?" Dean asked in surprise.

Cas shrugged. "I found it when I was looking for a place to hide the angel tablet." He glanced around nervously, as if he was afraid to be overheard. "We should go."

And just like that, Dean found himself in the war room of the bunker.

"Dean? Cas? What the hell happened?!" Sam was looking frantically between himself and Cas.

"We ran into some angels on our way back. No big deal." Dean immediately tried to down play the encounter.

"Dean, you're covered in blood and Cas looks like he just got hit by a car. Don't lie to me." Sam demanded.

Dean lifted a hand to his face and found that he was, in fact, covered in blood. But he didn't remember being hurt enough to bleed so much. He shot a questioning look at Cas.

"I healed you while you were unconscious." Cas admitted.

"Unconscious?" Sam shook his head. "Will someone please explain what happened?" He demanded, forcing himself to be calm.

Dean ended up doing most of the explaining, with Cas filling in the blanks.

"So Naomi got away?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Cas answered wearily.

"And why were you stopped on the side of the road in the first place?" Sam was looking back and forth between Dean and Cas.

Dean felt heat rising up in his face as he remembered what they had been doing right before the attack.

"We uh," Dean caught Cas' eye and realized that he was going to get no help from the angel. Cas was going to make Dean answer this one. "Um." Dean stuttered. "Well I," Dean started again but broke off again, uncomfortable. Sam's eyebrows furrowed, as if he was trying to piece something together.

Cas rolled his eyes and took pity on him. "We need to focus on making sure the angel tablet stays out of Naomi's hands. I believe that it will be safe under the wardings here at the bunker against a few angels at a time but if Naomi discovers its exact location, then she could unleash the full force of heaven on us. Wardings don't have a chance at stoping a force like that, not even mine."

"Wait, so how are you here if the wardings you put up are that strong?" Sam interrupted, effectively distracted. Much to Dean's relief.

"I focused the sigils in a tight circle around the location of the tablet. The bunker is big enough that I can manage to come and go as long as I stay far enough away from the tablet." Cas answered.

"Huh." Sam responded, clearly impressed with that strategy.

"Doesn't that just make it easier for Naomi to see exactly where the tablet is?" Dean asked.

Cas nodded. "I have an idea that would make it significantly harder for her to locate the tablet."

"Well let's hear it." Dean encouraged.

"If we were to ward several other locations as well as this one, all exactly the same, then it will take her much longer to locate the tablet. They will need to be locations that you are likely to go. Motels,-"

"Other bunkers." Sam interrupted, thinking fast. "There are supposed to be several of them all over the United States right? What if we found them and warded them all? From what I've read, the layouts of each bunker are supposed to be exactly the same."

"They're called outposts." Dean corrected. Both Sam and Cas looked at him. Sam with his eyebrows raised, clearly impressed and Cas with his eyes narrowed because that's just his reaction to everything. "What?" Dean asked defensively.

"Well that would confuse her. She would just have to pick one at random to attack." Cas moved on.

"But eventually she's going to pick the right one. This will only slow her down." Dean pointed out.

"We only need to slow her down long enough for me to kill her." Cas reminded him, his eyes blazing.

"Sounds like a plan." Sam said.


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter was the hardest one to write so far. I changed the beginning so many times and I'm still not sure if I like it. Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading! 3**

 **XXXXXXX**

They had decided to get started on the wardings in the morning. Once settled on a plan, Dean headed straight for a shower. He took extra time, enjoying the chance to work through everything that had happened in the past few hours. Particularly, what was happening with him and Cas. They were on the edge of something that terrified Dean. He didn't quite understand how they had gotten to this point but he was positive that if it went much further, it was going to be something that they couldn't couldn't come back from.

Dean sighed and turned off the water. He dressed quickly and headed back to his bedroom, hoping for a nap. He had only been laying down for a few minutes when someone knocked on his door.

"Come in." He groaned, his voice muffled by a pillow.

"Are you sleeping? It's the middle of the day, dude." Sam asked, entering the room.

Dean lifted his head enough to glare at his brother.

"I had a rough morning." Dean replied, defensively.

Sam lifted his hands in surrender, an amused smile playing at his lips.

"What do you want, anyway?" Dean asked, a bit cranky.

"I wanted to ask you about Cas actually." Sam treaded carefully. "Is everything okay between you two?"

Dean suddenly wished he had drowned himself in the shower. He sat up on the edge of his bed.

"Yeah Sam. We're fine." Dean answered, carefully schooling his features into a bored and slightly annoyed expression.

"Really? So your full on stuttering show earlier was what? Just nothing?" Sam raised his eyebrows, calling Dean out.

Dean just shrugged, not backing down.

"You want to know what I think?" Sam asked, crossing his arms.

"Not really." Dean responded wearily. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dean, I haven't seen you get flustered like that since Dad caught you with Aubrey Smith in high school." Sam paused, clearly hoping that Dean would interject. When he didn't, Sam continued. "Look man, I don't want to force you to talk about it. But if this is what I think it is, I-"

"Sam, please don't." Dean pressed the heals of his hands into his eyes.

"Why not?" Sam pushed.

"Because I'm not ready to hear it said out loud, okay?" Dean snapped, his jaw clenching. "So please," he continued, his voice quieter, "just back off."

"Okay." Sam replied after a long silence. Only when Dean heard his bedroom door shut, did he bring his hands away from his eyes, finding his room empty.

After another thirty minutes of trying unsuccessfully to sleep, Dean got up, deciding to go in search of the garage that Cas had mentioned. Something that was sure to always help calm his nerves was working on his car and remembering how beat up his baby was, Dean figured he had a lot of work to do.

It ended up taking him an hour to find the garage and when he entered, his eyebrows shot up at the enormity of the room. The Impala sat in a row of six or seven different cars that must have been left by the Men of Letters.

"Dean." Cas voice echoed over to him from the Impala.

"Cas. What are you doing in here?" Dean asked, ignoring the jump in his heart rate.

Cas looked uncomfortable, as if he was embarrassed by getting caught. "I like it in here. It's the biggest room I've found in the bunker and it's refreshing. Also, I was checking the extent of the damage to your car." He gestured to the Impala. "But then I remembered that while I have lead armies of angels in Heaven, I know nothing about how a motor vehicle functions. So I settled for cleaning up the broken glass." Cas seemed needlessly frustrated with himself about his lack of knowledge.

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean asked, walking over to him.

Cas ran a hand over his face before answering. "No, Dean, I'm not okay." Dean noticed his shoulders tense up. Cas sighed and leaned against the car.

"Did you know that angel's have, what humans call, photographic memories? That means I remember the names of every single angel I've killed and the list," Cas shook in head and clenched his jaw, "it was already too long. But I added three more names to it today. All in the name of revenge for what Naomi did to me. For the things Naomi made me do. Things like killing angels. Do you see the irony? I am killing angels to get revenge for being forced to kill angels." Fury and self hatred now shone in Castiel's eyes.

"It's not that simple, Cas." Dean said. "She tried to make you kill me too, remember?"

Cas looked at him, eyes blazing with anger. "She did make me kill you. Not the real you of course, it was a, sort of, simulation. There were hundreds of Dean Winchesters before she managed to make me do it. And then there were hundreds more after that. She got inside my head and programmed me to kill you, over and over again until I didn't hesitate anymore." Cas looked at his hands as if he could see blood on them. "I remember, in detail, every single way my hands killed you. Another perk of a photographic memory."

Dean reached out and grabbed Cas' hands. "These hands? They saved my life. They have healed me countless times. Healed Sam too. Your hands literally dragged my ass out of Hell and saved my life over and over again in purgatory." Dean took a deep, shaky breath, surprised by the intensity of his own words. "You didn't kill me Cas. No matter what Naomi made you do to those fake-me's, in the end, you knew the difference between what's real and what she wanted you to think was real." Cas looked up at Dean, surprised as well.

"I don't think you should have so much confidence in me. I know I said that Naomi can't control me anymore and that's true, but there are times where her influence clouds my mind. When I hear her voice whispering in my head like a memory." Cas looked away as he admitted this, as if angry with himself for it.

Dean sighed. "That's not exactly surprising. She messed you up, man. And you're only human." Dean smirked at his own joke.

"That is highly incorrect." Cas responded, cocking his head to the side in confusion and exasperation.

Dean rolled his eyes. "I know. I meant that you've developed some human instincts to mix with your angel ones. My point is, none of this is black and white. None of this is simple or straightforward. But we'll figure it out. We always do. If there is one thing in this crazy messed up world that I have faith in, it's our ability to always keep fighting. So we'll fight this too."

Dean had barely finished talking when Cas pulled him in roughly. Their lips met and Cas was clinging to Dean in desperastion, as if the hunter was the only thing holding him together. Shocked by this, it took Dean a second to respond and Cas gripped the front of Dean's shirt and switched places with him so that the hunter was pressed against the Impala. Heat rushed through his body as Cas pinned him in place. Dean ran his hands up the angel's shirt, searching for bare skin. Cas turned his attention to Dean's neck and while his lips were unpracticed, Dean melted under his touch, letting his head fall back against the car. His breaths came quickly and his heart was threatening to pound out of his chest. He couldn't remember anyone ever having this effect on him. Dean lost himself in the way Cas' body felt pressed against his own, his jeans beginning to feel extremely tight. For the first time in a very long time, Dean forgot to be worried about Sam, about the trials, about Kevin or the tablets or Crowley or Naomi. His only thought was about Cas' lips pressed against his neck, his jaw, and finally his lips. Dean kissed him deeply, his fingers digging into the angel's back. He lost track of how long they stood there but was very disappointed when Cas finally pulled away.

"Dean." Cas started, panting slightly. "We need to talk about this."

"I prefer other methods of communication." Dean protested, finding Cas' lips again. Cas kissed him back for a moment before pulling away again.

"Dean." Cas insisted.

Dean groaned in protest. "Don't start something unless you plan on finishing it, Cas."

Cas rolled his eyes. Something he undoubtedly picked up from Dean. "I don't understand what you mean by that but I'm almost positive you only said it because you are trying to avoid talking."

Dean eyebrows shot up. "I think you've been spending too much time with me."

Cas' eye brows pulled together. "Sam said the same thing the other day." He paused and then narrowed his eyes at Dean. "Quit trying to distract me."

Dean smirked. "Guilty. But if you are going to insist on having this conversation then I am going to insist on a change of scenery."

Cas eyed Dean suspiciously. Dean sighed, forcing himself to be serious for a moment.

"Look, Cas. I agree that we need to have this conversation but it's not a secret that talking is not my favorite thing. So can we please go somewhere else?"

Finally Cas nodded.

"Great." Dean slapped him on the shoulder and walked towards the door. When he reached it, he paused, examining the unfamiliar hallway and it's many door ways and then turned back to Cas, who had followed him.

"Do you know how to get to the gun range from here?"

 **XXXXXXX**

"I have no use for firearms." Cas argued as Dean handed him a loaded gun.

"This is not about needing a gun, is about letting off some steam. Besides, who knows when you might need one in the future." Dean responded, forcing the gun into the angel's hand. "Okay so I just put a full clip in but there is not a bullet in the chamber yet, which means that if you pulled the trigger right now, nothing would happen."

Cas listened patiently as Dean explained how to pull the slide back so that the gun would be ready to fire. He complied with Dean's instructions for how to set his feet and the correct way to aim using the sights. Basically, Cas played along because he knew that Dean needed this. Cas knew that Dean hated talking about his feelings and that the hunter was using weaponry to find some sort of control over the situation. So when Dean began firing his own weapon, Cas joined him, the sharp sound of discharging weapons making his ears ring.

"Not bad for your first time." Dean commented with raised eyebrows after silence fell.

Cas had emptied his entire clip and every shot had landed in a tight group exactly where a human heart would have been on the cardboard shape.

Cas shrugged. "I have excellent eye sight. Am I allowed to talk now?" He asked a bit sarcastically.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Sure Cas. Knock yourself out." His tone was dismissive but Cas could tell by his body language that he was listening.

"Why did you do it?" Cas asked, jumping right in.

"Do what?" Dean responded, deflecting the question reflexively, even though he knew exactly what the angel was asking. He was reloading his clip to avoid looking at Cas.

"You know what." Cas replied.

Dean slammed the now full clip into his gun and set the gun down on the counter.

"I don't know, Cas." Dean still wasn't looking at him.

"Dean." Cas said, knowing he was lying.

"Because you promised to stay, alright?" Dean took a deep breath and picked up his gun again. He emptied his clip once more while Cas stood there, stunned into silence. Once Dean set his gun back down, he finally turned to look at Cas.

"I kissed you because I wanted to. In fact, it's something that I have been wanting to do for a while but I never-" Dean broke off as he struggled for words. "But when you promised that you would be there for me, no matter what, it gave me the courage to do it. Whatever is happening here," he gestured between the two of them, taking a step closer, "scares the hell out of me Cas, because I don't know what happens next. But I do know that it could get both of us killed. Hell, in the last two days alone, Naomi has used you to try and kill me and she used me to try and kill you. Monsters, demons, angels, hell, _other people_ , are always going to use us against each other. They have been doing it to Sammy and I for years. I don't think I can handle having that kind of weakness."

"It doesn't have to be a weakness, Dean. If it wasn't for you, I would still be under Naomi's control. I was able to fight back against her because my relationship with you was stronger than her influence. I am stronger because of you and Sam." Dean shook his head, clearly unconvinced. Cas struggled against his ever-rising frustration.

"Dean, you've said it yourself. 'We are better together.'" Cas reminded him.

"This is different." Dean argued.

"Why?" Cas demanded.

"Because it is!" Dean yelled, getting angry.

Cas tried to not let it bother him, knowing that anger was how Dean communicated fear. Cas gazed at Dean, trying desperately to read him and understand.

"Because this would require a level of trust I don't know that I'm even capable of." Dean admitted, the fight draining out of him as quickly as it had come.

"That's not true. You trust Sam with everything. I thought you trusted me as well." Cas had to admit that this realization stung.

"I do trust you, Cas. But Sam and I, we are on equal footing. I rely on him just as much as he relies me." Dean wasn't looking at Cas anymore.

"You think that I don't need you." Cas said. It wasn't a question. Dean's shoulders tensed but he didn't deny it.

"I don't know Cas, maybe you do right now. But what happens when you don't? I mean you're a fucking angel for Christ's sake. What could you possibly need from me?" Dean had turned away from Cas and pressed his hands down of the counter, using the surface to support him.

"Dean, I've already told you." Cas answered, at a loss for how to reassure Dean.

"Yeah, you need me as a reminder of who you are. I remember." Dean replied quietly.

"It's not that simple, Dean. You taught me that I could make my own choices and then you stood by me even when I made horrible ones. You taught me how to learn from my mistakes. You taught me the importance of family and that they are the reason you get back up and you keep fighting. You taught me how to love. So yes, Dean. I need you because you remind me of the best parts of myself. Because _you_ are the best part of me." Cas spoke with conviction, willing Dean to beleive him.

Dean looked at him with a mix of fear and amazement. Cas did the last thing that he could think of to convince Dean. He stepped forward and kissed the hunter, trying to convey every emotion and feeling through the contact. Dean responded immediately, pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him. Cas didn't think he would ever get used to kissing Dean. Every time it was like a fire had been started under his skin. His heart pounded in his ears as his lips moved against Dean's. Dean slipped his hands underneath his shirt and Cas shivered at the touch. The hunter's hands were hot as they ran up and down his back. This time Dean broke the kiss and he let his head fall down to rest on Cas' shoulder.

"I'm going to need some time with this Cas." Dean said, his voice muffled in Cas' neck.

Cas responded by wrapping his arms tighter around Dean.


	7. Chapter 7

**The ending of this chapter might seem a little dramatic but the way I see it, Dean has closed himself off from people for so long that there is no way he would handle vulnerability well. But that might just be me. Don't forget to review and tell me what you think!**

 **XXXXXXX**

"Are you almost done?" Cas' voice echoed through the hallway as it reached Dean.

"Yeah just one more." Dean responded, putting the finishing touches on a sigil and moving across the room to start the last one. Everything about the task was routine at this point. Dean and Cas had spent the last few days zapping across the country from one Men of Letters outpost to another, warding them against angels. Their routine was always the same. They would find the computer room (all of them looked identical to the one at the bunker) and Dean would stay there and put up wardings that would keep angels completely out while Cas would surround the room with sigils that would significantly weaken angels. The wardings always took a toll on Cas and he would be without his mojo until they got far enough away for him to fly them to the next outpost. They were now on their fifty-ninth and final outpost in Leavenworth, Washington.

Finishing his last sigil, Dean tossed the empty spray can on the ground and grabbed his bag.

"You ready?" Dean asked, finding Cas sitting in an old chair. He nodded and stood up slowly. Dean reached out a steadying hand when the angel started swaying.

"Alright, let's get you out of here." Dean suggested, leading the way quickly. Cas' reaction to the wardings had been getting increasingly worse and his recovery time longer each trip. Dean was grateful that they were finished so that the angel could finally rest. The poor guy looked dead on his feet.

They reached the ladder that lead out of the tunnels and Dean sent Cas up first. Once they reached the top, most of Cas' color had returned.

"Can you fly us back from here, or do we need to get further away?" Dean asked, glancing worriedly at him.

"I can do it from here but I need a minute to recover my strength." Cas answered weakly, sitting down on the grass.

Dean sat down next to him, his eyes searching the dark woods around them uselessly for any signs of angels or demons. Cas automatically leaned against Dean's shoulder for support.

"How long do you think it will take for you to recover?" Dean asked.

"Just a few minutes. I only need a small amount of power to fly us home." Cas replied. Dean's stomach twisted pleasantly at his casual use of the words "us" and "home".

"I mean for you to recover permanently. How long until your back to full power?" Dean corrected.

"I'm not sure. I can't remember a time when I've been this weak aside from being injured. I have the strongest urge to sleep which is strange and incredibly hard to fight." Cas answered curiously.

If Dean hadn't been so worried, he might have laughed.

"Well you can sleep all you want when we get back." Dean reassured.

Cas glanced sideways at Dean, the moonlight just bright enough for Dean to make out his features.

"What?" Dean asked defensively.

"You've been incredibly nice to me for the past few days." Cas answered, narrowing his eyes. "It's been very odd."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm always nice to you."

Cas tilted his head. "No, you're not." He argued. He didn't seem upset about this, just matter of fact. Cas shrugged, "It doesn't bother me though. In fact, it's kind of unsettling to have you be so sympathetic."

"Gee Cas, if I had known you were going to guilt trip me, I would have just come by myself." Dean replied, annoyed but also a little ashamed.

"Yes, that would have been much better. Tell me Dean, how long would it have taken you to drive to every different location and ward them all by yourself? A month? Two months?"

"Shut up." Dean answered, rolling his eyes again.

Cas smiled in response. They sat in silence after that and Dean took the time to examine Cas' facial features. The darkness made his eyes look gray rather than their actual blue and the moonlight cast shadows that made his cheekbones sharper than normal. Overall, the effect had Dean wishing he could take the angel right then and there.

"You're staring." Cas stated, his eyebrows raised.

"Just making sure you're not going to pass out on me." Dean covered with a lie.

Cas gazed right back into Dean's eyes until the hunter felt his heart rate speed up.

"Liar." Cas acussed, his voice deep.

Dean found himself hoping that Cas would just kiss him and put him out of his misery but unsurprisingly, the angel turned away instead. This was the unspoken agreement they had come to. Until Dean decided for sure if he wanted to be with Cas or not, there was a strict limited physical contact rule that Cas was enforcing. Which meant that Dean could _not_ push the angel up against a tree and kiss him senseless. No matter how much he wanted to.

So instead they sat in silence until Dean felt Cas tense against him.

"What is it?" Dean whispered jumping to his feet and dragging Cas with him.

"Angels. We're surrounded." Cas answered.

"Do we have any chance of surviving a fight?" Dean asked.

"No." Cas replied and after one touch, Dean found himself back in the bunker. He had just gotten his bearings on his new surroundings when Cas collapsed on the floor.

"Cas?!" Dean called out anxiously. He dropped to his knees beside the unconscious angel and shook him slightly. When Cas didn't stir, Dean felt for his pulse, trying not to panic.

"Sam!" He called out desperately, hoping his brother could hear him. Just a few seconds later, Sam came running into the room with his gun drawn. Catching sight of Cas laying on the ground, Sam put away his weapon and hurried over.

"Sammy, I cant find a pulse." Dean gasped out, panic overwhelming him. His body felt frozen, as if all the blood had been drained from him and he was about to shatter apart. He heard Sam say something to him but it was like his head was under water. Dean was clutching Cas' shirt in his hands and was forced to let go when Sam shoved him out of the way. Sam bent over Cas' head, listening for something. The world seemed to stop and hang suspended in that moment as Dean waited for Sam to answer his unspoken question.

"He's still breathing. His pulse is faint but it's there. What the hell happened?" Sam demanded.

Dean concentrated his gaze on the angel's chest and saw it rise and fall just slightly. He felt the blood rush back through his body in relief. His head was spinning from the suddenness of it all so it took him a moment to realize Sam had asked him a question.

"I-" he swallowed, his throat dry, "I don't know. He was fine and then he collapsed. I couldn't find his pulse, Sam." Dean's voice was raspy as if he had been screaming for several hours. He was still looking at Cas as if the angel was going to suddenly stop breathing.

Sam, who knew Dean better than anyone, reached out and took Dean's hand, understanding exactly what he needed. Sam guided his hand to Cas' neck and pressed Dean's fingers right over the angel's carotid artery. Dean's hand shook slightly when he felt the small pulses of life under Cas' skin. Nodding his thanks, Dean pulled his hand away and took a deep breath, his head clearing slightly.

"We finished the last location and stopped so that he could rest before flying back. But some angels got the drop on us so he zapped us back here before he had recharged enough. I think he exhausted himself. He saved my life Sam, if he-" Dean broke off, his throat closing up.

"He should be fine after some rest." Sam looked Dean over. "Hey, he's going to be okay." Dean didn't show any sign that he had heard his brother. Sam waved one of his hands, trying to get Dean's attention. "Dean are you listening to me?"

Dean shook his head, not taking his eyes off of his angel.

"Sam." Dean said. "I can't lose him. I-" he paused, closing his eyes, "I think I'm in love with him."

There was a moment of silence while those words sunk in.

"Yeah." Sam responded warily, sitting back on his heels. "Yeah, I think you are too."

Dean looked up at his brother, surprised by this response. Sam was looking at him sadly and Dean saw a flash of college age Sam, right after he had lost Jess. He knew that underneath everything, Sam was unbelievably happy for him but at the same time, his younger brother was also terrified for him. Sam knew all to well what it was like to lose someone you loved and was beyond scared about what it would do to Dean if he lost Cas. They both were.

Dean nodded his understanding, tears pricking his eyes. He sniffled once, getting a grip on his emotions and then shoved them down to deal with later.

"We should get him somewhere other than the floor." Dean said gruffly. Sam nodded and helped him pick Cas up. They unspokenly agreed to take him to a spare room where Sam left the both of them, squeezing Dean's shoulder on his way out. Dean sat down in his chair, preparing himself to wait once more for his angel to wake up.

Not even thirty minutes had passed when the last four days started to catch up to him and he was dozing off uncomfortably.

Dean hesitated for a moment before laying down on the bed next to Cas. The angel didn't even stir and Dean was asleep within seconds.

 **XXXXXXX**

Dean woke up to someone moving next to him. For a split second, he tensed, ready for a fight until he remembered who it was.

"Cas?" Dean asked quietly, interrupting the silence.

"I didn't mean to wake you." Cas was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from Dean.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked, sitting up as well and turning on the beside lamp. Night had fallen while they were asleep and he guessed that it was about one in the morning.

"I think so. I'm not in any pain but I still feel significantly weaker than normal." Cas responded, not looking at Dean.

"But you'll be okay. Right?" Dean looked anxiously at Cas' back.

Cas turned around to look at him, his eyes unreadable.

"I believe so, yes."

"Good." Dean let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "That's real good, Cas."

Cas cocked his head to the side. "You worry too much."

Dean was taken aback by this observation. "Cas, you collapsed on the ground. I thought you were _dead_." Some of his earlier panic leaked into his voice as he spoke. This did not go unnoticed by Cas. His angel responded by turning completely around to face him.

"I merely exhausted my grace. That is not something an angel can die from. The worst thing that could have happened would have been me waking up human because I had used _all_ of my grace. But I didn't. There was still a little bit left and it is recharging as we speak." Cas reassured.

"Yeah, well, you still scared the hell out of me. So just don't do that again alright?" Dean demanded.

Cas just nodded.

Suddenly the air around them was charged with tension. Dean was very aware that they had just shared a bed and Cas seemed to be contemplating that too. The angel's shoulders were tense and he seemed to be thinking hard about their situation.

"Are you still tired?" Dean asked, trying to break the tension.

Cas nodded, now looking right at Dean. Dean's heart pounded as they were both faced with a choice. Cas could stay and sleep here or he could go with Dean back to his room. They both knew that if he went, there would be no turning back anymore. Dean searched for a clue as to what Cas was thinking but the angel was unreadable. So Dean took a chance, tired of living in fear of being vulnerable, tired of dancing around what they both knew was there, tired of denying himself what he wanted. He leaned over and kissed Cas, who leaned into it immediately.

Encouraged, Dean broke away and said, "Come with me."

Cas gazed at Dean intensely for moment, taking in the meaning of Dean's words. This wasn't simply an offer for a place to sleep, this was a point of no return.

"Cas, I have lost you so many times, but none of them have scared me like that before. I know now that it would destroy me if something happened to you. And that's why I have been so reluctant to let you in but seeing you lay on the floor like that and thinking that I had missed my chance," Dean shook his head and struggled to keep his voice steady, "it made me realize that I gave you the power to destroy me a long time ago. And it's about time that I acknowledged it." Dean gazed at Cas, his eyes burning with emotion. "So will you stay with me tonight?"

Cas answered by pulling him up and leading him out of the door. Dean's heart pounded the whole way there and they barely made into his room before Cas was kissing him fiercely. Dean wrapped his arms around his angel, not wanting any space between them. Cas' hands explored Dean freely, sending shivers up the hunter's back when those hands slipped under his shirt. Cas moved his lips against Dean's. Within seconds of entering his room, Dean was wrecked. He lost himself completely in Cas. He let himself be pushed back onto the bed and pulled Cas down on top of him. Every minute or so, a piece of clothing would fall to the floor, completely forgotten. The world revolved around the way the angel touched him, infinite affection mixed with desire and passion. His world started and ended with the soft touch of an angel's fingertips on his sweaty skin or the sound of Cas' moans in his ear. Every brush of the lips, every nip of the teeth, every thrust, push, and pull stripped away another layer of Dean's defenses until he was laid bare before his angel.

Dean lay underneath Cas coming down from his high, both of them gasping for breath as their heart rates slowed. And for the first time that he could remember, Dean found himself completely vulnerable to another person. Upon he realizing this, dread pooled in his stomach and panic threatened to overwhelm him. Seeing this in his eyes, Cas laid down next to him and wrapped his arms around the hunter. Every instinct Dean had developed since he was four years old, was screaming at him to push the angel away, to protect himself and to protect Cas, but Cas only held on tighter. So instead of fighting, instead of pushing away or closing himself off, Dean did the last thing he could think of to protect himself and the person he loved. He pulled Cas closer.


End file.
